Game Cover Showdown: Motorstorm

Videogame Cover Art One-on-One

The MotorStorm team at Evolution Studios just posted their cover art for the new MotorStorm Apocalypse. They’ve got two covers, one for the EU and one for the U.S. Same game, two covers.

Why do marketing teams do this? Well, for one, there are different requirements for the labeling and legalese. But also it’s well-known that certain approaches do better in different regions. Sadly, in my opinion, the demographic studies seem to indicate that, when selling an over-the-top racing game in the U.S., your goal should be to look like a generic traffic jam with a generous dollop of asphalt crumbles, flames, and (especially) motion blur. The EU version is more cohesive, dramatic, and most importantly, sharp.

Here’s the art – take a look and decide for yourself. EU on top.

game cover-eu

game cover-us

The Stupidest Names in Videogames

by the Game Writer Guy

Honoring the Stupid

Writers and readers, let’s face it. The grimy menage a trois of videogames, science fiction, and comic books has spawned some really stupid character names.

Of course, I love all that stuff, and a lot of the writers and directors in the field have sired visionary work that will still be giving geeks chills in the distant future, long after 2001 has come and gone… oh, wait. You know what I mean.

Anyhow, without further mastication, here’s this humble game writer’s list of…

The Stupidest Names in Videogames

#6: The Wii.

We can now say it without sniggering, which is a testament to how well the actual product served its function, even if it’s going to be the Xbox 1 of the current generation. I.e., the first to leave the table and go to the bargain basement. Both Microsoft and Sony are now pimping their motion controllers. Nice ideas, guys.

But as far as pure naming goes, the Wii was different, but hardly genius.

#5. Sodom from Final Fight/Street Fighter Alpha. Enough said. You can see an image of this zombie samurai/hockey goalie to the right.

#4. Lord British.

We don’t want to ding Richard Garriott for a name he came up with when he still had peach fuzz on his face, but still. What gets us about Lord British? Is it the pomposity? The slavish Anglophilia?

Steve Wilson, one of the editors of the sci-fi/humor ‘zine Space Squid, says, “It almost seems redundant: You hear Lord, you think British automatically anyway, so why bother?”

Lord British, please pick up line 2. Czar Russian is holding on line 2.

#3: Max Payne.

This one has gotten more euphonious over time, but if you’re like me, it hit you like a ton of pun when it first crashed on your ears. Max pain?!?

Max Payne is the name of Duke Nukem’s less civil second cousin. Fortunately the game itself didn’t turn out to be quite as blunt and tone-deaf as the name. Thanks, Max. You brought us bullet time. Now go back to the markdown aisle.

#2: Darth Maul.

When George Lucas came up with this one, maybe he was thinking of where Star Wars action figures and videogames might be sold in ridiculous quantities rather than the enduring legacy of the Star Wars universe.

Darth Mall would be a fun place, though. Instead of muzak, the soothing sound of heavy mechanized breathing would lull shoppers and seniors out for a climate-controlled stroll. Customer service, however, would be a little frosty, and the penalty for shoplifting would be… wait for it… to have your hand chopped off at the wrist with a light saber, of course!

Honestly, the Star Wars universe is littered with laughable names, Jar Jar Binks and Count Dooku being two prime examples. George, we know you want the kids to know you think Dooku is a poopy-head, but let’s try not to be so freaking literal.

#1. Big Boss.

You know, Metal Gear Solid is just ripe with ridiculous names. Hideo Kojima must like the devil weed. Liquid Ocelot, Big Mama, Para-Medic, Raging Raven… these are all chuckle-headed even if they’re code names. Big Boss is notable because he’s not only the imposing sire of the games’ primary hero, but he’s also the star of MGS3, the president of Zanzibar Land, and the protege of the double-agent named The Boss.

Confused yet? You’re getting the idea.

Big Boss has three genetic sons, named Liquid Snake, Solid Snake, and… Solidus Snake? Pick your favorite quip here:

  1. Must have been tricky sorting out the mail.
  2. Solidus was always the Pope’s favorite.
  3. I guess the neighbors already had a kid named “Gaseous Snake.”

Still, I give Kojima props for including self-parody content like this MGS3 unlockable in which the director of the CIA journeys to Russia for a reconciliation and flower-meadow dance with Snake.

Dishonorable Mentions:

Alan Wake

Game designer Keith Meyer suggests Alan Wake. Wake is, of course, a writer of thrillers who suffers from blackouts and visions of characters from his new book coming to life. And he doesn’t remember writing the book. It’s almost like he’s been… uh… sleepwalking?

Keith says, “It just feels weak.”

Joe Hayabusa

The father of Ninja Gaiden’s Ryu, Joe is the leader of the Hayabusa Ninja Clan in medieval Japan, and also apparently the descendant of nomadic Japanese who traveled to ancient Israel where they appropriated his name. Also the star of the sidescroller Viewtiful Joe (kidding).

Snake Plissken

I can’t write a post about horrible names without mentioning the hero of Escape from New York. (I’d love to make him #1, but he’s really a cinematic character, more so than Darth Maul. By the way, the credited writers on the 1981 movie are John Carpenter and Nick Castle.)

Sure, it’s a comic book kind of name, but there are limits to what even DC and Marvel are willing to slap on a hero. What, was Viper Urineflesh shot down in audience testing?

As an added bonus, in the first Metal Gear Solid game I think, Solid Snake disguises himself as a Navy SEAL named Iroquois Pliskin. Clearly, like inspires like.

Feel free to submit your suggestions in the comments or via the contact form.

Xbox LIVE Gold: Free for a Weekend

Free Xbox LIVE Gold Status for a Limited Time

Xbox LIVE users, get on the stick. Microsoft’s announced that the premium status Xbox LIVE Gold status is being extended to all Xbox LIVE users on the weekend of January 28th to the 31st, 2011. It’s kind of a “you didn’t spend enough on Christmas, so try Gold and maybe you’ll loosen up” promotion.

Thanks, Uncle Bill (Gates)!

The free Xbox LIVE Gold announcement at Microsoft’s majornelson.com

game-writer-sam&maxAnd Since You Evidently Like Free Gaming

You might also be interested in downloading Sam and Max Episode 104 from Telltale Games. These guys are reviving that classic Lucasarts manic adventure gaming feel, and this game writer says they’re doing a pretty darned good job of it.

Episode 104 is solid – I’m 90% through and have actually LOLed a few times. Yes, it happens. You know it’s good times when you’re tasked with killing a giant berserk Abe Lincoln. You also get to rig furry psychopath Max up to win the emergency presidential election that is required after you accidentally, uh, incapacitate the previous president.

Game Writer’s Deal Alert: 75% Off at Amazon

Your Friendly Game Writer Brings Year-End Dealz

So… if you’re thinking of picking up GTA4, Bioshock 2, Dragon Age Origins, Mass Effect 2, or a variety of other PC blockbusters, you might want to eyeball Amazon’s year-end game downloads. They’re up to 75% off for a limited time. The big shockers are $5 each for GTA4 and Bioshock 2.

Note, of course, that pickings might be slimmer for Mac owners, and that this is only for downloadable videogame titles, not console games.

“Participating publishers include 1C, Atari, Capcom, Focus Home, Meridian4, Southpeak, Tilted Mill, N3V, bitComposer Games, DreamCatcher, and Sigma-Team.”

Happy New Year from your friendly neighborhood game writer!

Amazon’s Year-End Game Deals Page

Movies Suck.

movies-suckMovies suck. That’s the big headline today. It’s not exactly banner news for you guys, but still, it’s something that can be forgotten in the heat of the moment.

I love movies; everybody loves movies. But it’s a grievous error to assume that all stories can be told in a movie format, or that movies are our species’ greatest cultural asset.

A lot of my favorite stories will never make it to film because they’re not marketable enough, they’re too long, or they’re headtrips that would be difficult to visualize.

Visual Storytelling

There’s a genius to visual storytelling, and not every director has it. How many times have you been in a theatre watching a closeup of or a slow push in on an actor’s thoughtful face and wondered, What the hell is that person thinking?

In my opinion, some of those moments are failures in visual storytelling. We should be able to know that this is the final straw that leads him to leave the country, or momentary indecision, or terrible indigestion, but we haven’t been given enough information. On the other hand, perhaps the director wants us to be unsure of the character’s thought process. And of course, some of these moments are merely our failures to read the cues that the director is sending. It’s a fine line. Without the often ham-handed aid of voiceover narration, the inherent limitations of the visual medium make filmic storytelling a challenge.

Film Is Shallow

Complex storylines simply can’t be told compellingly in film. Imagine if you sat a capable screenwriter or novel writer down with the three Lord of the Rings movies and had him novelize them. How do you think they’d compare against the Tolkien originals? The idea is laughable — all the nuance, history, grandeur, and poetry of the originals would be stripped out. Still, most agree that these movies are remarkable works of art.

It’s my opinion that movies typically can convey the depth and complexity of a good short story. The average novel must shed a significant fraction of its heft when transcribed for the silver screen.

And the Odds Are Against Us

Also, as a collaborative medium, movies are often destroyed from the inside by flawed implementation. The teams are so big, the stakes are so high, and the points of failure so varied that sometimes I marvel when a good movie is completed, not when a bad one is made.

Even when a good movie is wrapped, it’s often sabotaged by half-hearted marketing, or even shelved by the same studio that made it because of fears that it isn’t worth the expense of distribution and promotion. The system is structured so that it tends to create stinkers. Great stories that don’t seem to have mass-market appeal generally don’t stand a chance.

Anyhow, some random thoughts as we head into the holiday season. Go out there and love you some wintertime movies, but do it with both eyes open.

Want a PS3?

want a ps3

PS3 Photo

Tower of Sony Playstation 3 computing power, anyone?

Suggested Use

I hear that Kim Jong-il has networked five thousand of these together to plot trajectories for a new Earth-to-Jupiter interplanetary expedition. They are looking for mutant ladies of the night.

Now Really

And no, commenting on this post will NOT win you a free PS3. I just thought you folks might enjoy seeing this excess. My old roomie bought them as prizes for long-term participants in a University of Texas Austin research study. She says it caused a few raised eyebrows at the checkout at Fry’s Electronics.

Can You Be-Gleeve It?

The Gleeve: Frog’s New Power Glove

So Frog Design has a new unstructured-play concept called the Gleeve. Cool concept that lends itself to horrible blog puns and nightmares of Nintendo’s abortive power glove.

I think it has potential, although the description does seem a little light on details. I’m not about to criticize a simple introductory post for lack of structure, but I do want to plant a suggestion in the Froggies’ heads — a little structure can be a good thing.

It might be premature to proclaim the complete death of imagination. I’m sure there are kids right now, sitting in an empty lot or on a baseball diamond, making up their own games as I type with nothing but enthusiasm and body language. However, attention spans are short and a blank canvas can be as intimidating as prison bars.

If I were in the Frog’s shoes, I’d package that product with a few addictive, premade games that have prominent tunable characteristics or several radically different rulesets that invite experimentation.

Or better yet, I’d hire a game writer/game designer to make those games. :)

I also found this diagram in the Fast Company announcement quite thought-provoking, although I don’t know if I’d rank the Sims as more open than a mod. Click to see the full size image.

LOTR Conquest: Tolkien-Flavored Cheese

Rapidfire Review: Lord of the Rings Conquest

Some quick game designer’s observations about this PS3 game. This thing is hilarious. Yes, unintentionally hilarious, but I give Pandemic points for making the formula easily digestible.

Admittedly, I’m kind of fond of Pandemic because they’re kind of scrappy and they did a solid job with Star Wars Battlefront and Army Men RTS, the latter of which was published by 3DO, one of my previous employers.

He Has Infiltrated Their Lines with Scout Invisibility! Yes!!!

If you yell this with a British accent and buckets of false enthusiasm, you will approach the humor quotient of the demo. Or you can simply watch this video:

That’s pretty choice. Maybe you don’t remember masked, invisible scouts chucking satchel bombs when you read Tolkien, but you probably weren’t reading closely enough. They were all over in The Silmarillion. No, seriously!

Similarly, the wizard class can heal and cast chain lightning, fire wall, and earthquake at the press of a button. A bit of a contrast with Gandalf, whose strongest magicks were providing therapy to Theoden to get him out from under Wormtongue’s control, and +5 chaperoning of stupid Hobbits.

But of course, providing gravitas and guidance is not really what the kids want to do when they’re fantasizing. So Pandemic has taken a few rather generous liberties with the source material.

Gameplay

All would be forgiven if Conquest provided a luxurious gameplay experience, but sadly that’s not the case. Conquest is a lowbrow experience built for simple orc-bashing fun and the exploitation of a license, and it really shows in the brain-dead camera, the simplistic combos, the lack of a “lock-on” control, and the unresponsive controls.

When I say “unresponsive controls,” I’m using a bit of shorthand, actually. Many reviewers use this phrase to describe the disease that afflicts many games, including Conquest. It’s not really the controls that are frustrating; it’s animation cycles and the granularity of the input that the game can accept. This is a topic that has to wait for another day, but let’s just say that sometimes it feels like an eternity to get your character to do what you want him to do.

Conquest does deliver a 16-player online experience which is reminiscent of Battlefront and another 3DO game, the long-forgotten Legends of Might and Magic. Online is good.

Endgame

I also got a good chuckle out of the end of the demo, which allows you to play as the hero Isildur in a crowded battlefield dominated by none other than Sauron himself. Talk about giving up the goods – Pandemic threw subtlety to the winds and trotted out the Dark Lord in the demo. Ol’ Sourpuss draws a beeline for Isildur at every opportunity and bounces him around like a superball, often incurring the wrath of the craptacular camera code (you can’t see Isildur after he gets whacked) and the clumsy object boundaries (Isildur gets popped up on top of environmental objects).

Not a problem — a few dozen good pokes with a standard-issue sword or arrow puts him in the grave. If only Frodo had known!

Making a Cardboard Camera

Dad, this one’s for you. This is what I call an extraordinary level of effort and precision. The thing actually works, but good luck on getting the film. You’d have to process it in a trash barrel or paint bucket.

Kiel Johnson’s Cardboard Twin Lens Reflex Camera Time Lapse from Theo Jemison.