LOTR Conquest: Tolkien-Flavored Cheese

Rapidfire Review: Lord of the Rings Conquest

Some quick game designer’s observations about this PS3 game. This thing is hilarious. Yes, unintentionally hilarious, but I give Pandemic points for making the formula easily digestible.

Admittedly, I’m kind of fond of Pandemic because they’re kind of scrappy and they did a solid job with Star Wars Battlefront and Army Men RTS, the latter of which was published by 3DO, one of my previous employers.

He Has Infiltrated Their Lines with Scout Invisibility! Yes!!!

If you yell this with a British accent and buckets of false enthusiasm, you will approach the humor quotient of the demo. Or you can simply watch this video:

That’s pretty choice. Maybe you don’t remember masked, invisible scouts chucking satchel bombs when you read Tolkien, but you probably weren’t reading closely enough. They were all over in The Silmarillion. No, seriously!

Similarly, the wizard class can heal and cast chain lightning, fire wall, and earthquake at the press of a button. A bit of a contrast with Gandalf, whose strongest magicks were providing therapy to Theoden to get him out from under Wormtongue’s control, and +5 chaperoning of stupid Hobbits.

But of course, providing gravitas and guidance is not really what the kids want to do when they’re fantasizing. So Pandemic has taken a few rather generous liberties with the source material.

Gameplay

All would be forgiven if Conquest provided a luxurious gameplay experience, but sadly that’s not the case. Conquest is a lowbrow experience built for simple orc-bashing fun and the exploitation of a license, and it really shows in the brain-dead camera, the simplistic combos, the lack of a “lock-on” control, and the unresponsive controls.

When I say “unresponsive controls,” I’m using a bit of shorthand, actually. Many reviewers use this phrase to describe the disease that afflicts many games, including Conquest. It’s not really the controls that are frustrating; it’s animation cycles and the granularity of the input that the game can accept. This is a topic that has to wait for another day, but let’s just say that sometimes it feels like an eternity to get your character to do what you want him to do.

Conquest does deliver a 16-player online experience which is reminiscent of Battlefront and another 3DO game, the long-forgotten Legends of Might and Magic. Online is good.

Endgame

I also got a good chuckle out of the end of the demo, which allows you to play as the hero Isildur in a crowded battlefield dominated by none other than Sauron himself. Talk about giving up the goods – Pandemic threw subtlety to the winds and trotted out the Dark Lord in the demo. Ol’ Sourpuss draws a beeline for Isildur at every opportunity and bounces him around like a superball, often incurring the wrath of the craptacular camera code (you can’t see Isildur after he gets whacked) and the clumsy object boundaries (Isildur gets popped up on top of environmental objects).

Not a problem — a few dozen good pokes with a standard-issue sword or arrow puts him in the grave. If only Frodo had known!

Making a Cardboard Camera

Dad, this one’s for you. This is what I call an extraordinary level of effort and precision. The thing actually works, but good luck on getting the film. You’d have to process it in a trash barrel or paint bucket.

Kiel Johnson’s Cardboard Twin Lens Reflex Camera Time Lapse from Theo Jemison.

Rapidfire Review: Sengoku Basara

Hi, videogame fans. Today we’ve got an update for you about the PS3 title Sengoku Basara: Samurai Heroes, or SBSH. (It’s also been converted into an anime and a manga title.)

I’m still trying to recover from the discovery that this game was developed by Capcom, not Koei, because it smells, tastes, feels, and plays just like a “Dynasty Warriors” game, except with a squirlier camera.

Dynasty Warriors is an evergreen (or interminable, depending on your perspective) series out of Japan in which you play a hero on a vast battlefield, “leading” your army to take strategic camps as part of a larger battles. Each stage basically plays out like capture-the-flag as you try to hold camps and eventually win the battle. The scale of the battles can be invigorating, with dozens of AI characters on screen, but DW has been criticized for its relatively simplistic “button-mashing” gameplay. Frankly, I think the series would be fairly well-accepted if this same formula had a different IP behind it — a Marvel comic book, for example.

Anyhow, SBSH is very similar, even down to the sheeplike AI of the minor NPCs, who have a tendency to trot around the battlefield and stare numbly at their opponents, waiting ages before taking tentative stabs using their weapons. At first I thought the difficulty on SBSH was cranked down, because I got most of the way through the first level in the demo without ever taking damage. Then I encountered the first major boss, who immediately used his nijitsu skills to split into three devilishly nimble selves, none of which dissolved when first being hit. No, these chaps were definitely tangible. I passed them on the second try, but only after limping around the level and scarfing up all the healing and magic powerups I could find.

SBSH isn’t terribly impressive except for its slavish imitation of DW. Save your ducats for the real thing.

Scifi/Humor Rag Publishes on Clay Tablets

scifi humor rag on clayThe scifi/humor ‘zine Space Squid has just released a special edition of their latest issue on clay tablets. As trendy as clay tablets are these days, they don’t get enough cred. One of the editors created the tablets using a cuneiform stylus like an ancient Sumerian (Iraqi) scribe and then created a hard polyurethane plate to press the double-sided copies. The regular edition is also out, and at its core are images of the same two clay tablets, surrounded by pages of extra PDF goodness. Check it out at their Free Scifi page.

Everyone is going on about how “print is dead” these days, so it’s particularly amusing to see this publication pushing the idea the opposite way and “printing on the deadest media available.” The project got some great press at WIRED, on Bruce Sterling’s blog, and at various webby spots. You can see the blog on how to make your own clay tablet publication and the YouTube clay tablet guide.

Space Squid is based in Austin, but claims to contain “your puny planet’s finest scifi and hijinx.” The issue contains stories from several foreign contributors.

A Web Win-Win: We Win a Gig, You Win a Car

web-win-winCheck Out Our New Project and Win a Car

Yup, it’s a web win-win situation. I landed a web game writing project recently, and it’s now hit the inter-web-nets. I was a contributing writer on Toyota/Scion’s new web game, Unlock the tC, which highlights the Scion tC.

I can say, as objectively as I can, that the tC does seem like a sweet little ride. It’s the sporty car in the Scion line, and you can actually win trip to LA and a shot at a free tC in the web game if you crank on all of the objectives.

Hey, This Web Game Has Hardly Any Writing

The tC web game is fairly complex, containing multiple mini-games and a lengthy cross-country journey rife with decision points. But you might notice that… uh… there’s not a lot of game writing in it. And that’s intentional.

Instead of writing quantity, this web project was more of a challenge in terms of tone, style, functionality, and variety. Since it’s not a full RPG, there are certain points where we couldn’t assume the player has done action A, and other points where we couldn’t force the player to do action B. The writing always had to be performed with an inherent understanding of the web game’s underlying technical structure.

At the same time, we wanted to provide the player with lots of choices and capture the real flavor of a rip-roaring cross-country adventure. The player’s actions needed to be logical within the fictional framework. The visuals had to be fresh and the voice did too. We’re pretty pleased with the results. Check it out and let us know what you think.

Even If You Don’t Win the Web Game…

When creating the web game, we also tried to encourage gamers to visit the sister site scionav.com as much as possible. If you have a moment, take a peek, because it has a lot of cool art, music, and video, including several albums worth of free MP3 downloads from top DJs.

Many thanks to the client/production company, Haley Miranda Group, for the opportunity to work on this project.

Keynote: Steve Jobs Announces iPad Newton

Steve Jobs Debuts iPad Newton at Keynote

STEVE JOBS KEYNOTE, SAN FRANCISCO, JULY 2010 –

World, meet the new iPad Newton. As suspected at Patently Apple, which noted in March that Apple renewed their Newton trademark, Steve Jobs announced at a conference keynote that Apple has transformed the past into the future by introducing the iPad Newton.

The iPad Newton improves on a number of issues that are well-known to iPad 1 owners. The WiFi antenna has been relocated for stronger reception, and the screen sensitivity has improved for typing purposes. Jobs also pointed out the product’s “downwardly compatible” mode which converts the iPad Newton to a black-and-white PDA with a maximum resolution of 336 x 240 pixels and the inability to differentiate between letterforms. Although included mostly for nostalgia purposes, the black-and-white mode also enables the iPad Newton to run off four fully-charged AAA batteries – for up to 7 minutes, according the presentation notes at the keynote.

Steve Jobs described the iPad Newton as the “realization of the original Newton’s promise to bring awkwardly-sized personal computing to satchels and man-purses around the world.” Jobs continued his keynote by listing the six women’s purses that are large enough to accommodate an iPad Newton or original iPad without a tailor’s or leatherworker’s expertise.

“We sold the Newton, warts and all, for $1000 in 1993,” Jobs said. “We’re asking $600 for this sucker now. Who says our products are marked up beyond reason?”

Steve Jobs Keynotes Dissected

Okay, we admit that Steve Jobs hasn’t leaked any such thing. In a long summer we have to amuse ourselves with something, like an imaginary keynote.

Steve Jobs’ keynote technique is something of legend, actually. Known as a Stevenote, a Jobs keynote is greeted with sometimes slavish anticipation and can herald the advent of industry-changing technologies. The Steve Jobs keynote even has its own wikipedia page. Persuasive and commanding, Jobs often opens with sales figures and performs a mock close as the anticipation grows for the expected announcement. Then he’ll turn around and return to the mike with the phrase, “There is just one more thing…” which usually elicits raucous cheers.

It’s corporate theatre – people cheering for a product announcement they could probably recite with 99% accuracy – but it’s certainly more entertaining that most keynotes, and the audience is in on the joke.

Austin LAN Party Discounts

If you’re looking to get your game on with dozens of other Austin PC gamers this summer, you’re in luck. Mayhem Team, a very inclusive group of gamers operating under the admirable slogan “Character Above Skill,” is setting up a massive Austin LAN party at the Omni Hotel at Southpark, a good south-central location. The event, called “Operation Lone Star: 2010,” is July 9-11 and runs all weekend (Fri 12p-2a, Sat 8a-2a, Sun 8a-2p). It’s a bring-your-own-PC event with Battlefield Bad Company 2, World of Warcraft, Call of Duty 4, and other Battlefield games all on the likely docket. Prizes will be raffled off.

Shawn, aka “Rip187,” has contacted us with a set of special offers for Austin gamers:

  • $20 for Daily Gamer admission (single day, access to Sapphire level prizes)
  • $75 for Friends of Mayhem (swag bag, $89/night group hotel rate, shuttle ride to the airport, commemorative shirt, entry into all vendor drawings, keepsake ID tag)
  • $150 for “Full Boat Experience” (all of the above plus dinner on Friday and Saturday).
  • $25 extra for DG or FoM will get you entry in all the special raffles.

If you like the experience of playing videogames in the company of others, a LAN party like this is worth checking out. The Omni is at 4140 Governor’s Row, 448-2222. The event is sponsored by a huge list of recognizable names, including Thermaltake, Discount Electronics, Alienware, Intel, Enermax, Crucial, and CoolerMaster. I’m sure some of their products will show up in the raffle. If you’re interested, check out their site or fill out the contact form here and we’ll forward the info on to Shawn.

Rapidfire Review: Fret Nice

Game Write-ups on Ritalin

Hello, game writer central denizens. We’re rolling out a quickie review tonight of the PS3 demo Fret Nice. For the time-constrained gamer, game demos are an ideal way of assessing the longevity of a videogame before the actual purchase. Game demos aren’t always a perfect reflection of the final product, but they’ll always capture the core gameplay, art style, and feel.

Wanna find out what a game writer and game designer thinks of a demo? You’re in the right place.

Fret Nice is a charming sidescroller with some unique art direction. The hook? It’s music-themed and you use a guitar controller to move your character through the level. Playing the right riffs zaps monsters and tilting the guitar triggers leaps.

I wanted to like this quirky game. Sadly, Fret Nice didn’t really impress me beyond the initial visuals. Here are the drawbacks:

  • I couldn’t figure out the correspondence between monster types and the riffs I was supposed to play. I sense there’s a cool gameplay mechanic here, but I couldn’t see it visually. As you start to play, a dialog bubble appears above your guitar-toting avatar, which looks a lot like the bulbous baddies. Notes look like eyes; if you play a lot of notes, your dialog bubble looks like a multi-eyed monstrosity… match the eyes and you zap the beast. This is a sly concept, but in practice I couldn’t get it to correspond. For a simple DLC game like this, it’s got to be obvious.
  • You can only play riffs when airborne. This is annoying and unintuitive. Save that for advanced levels, not for your game demo.
  • Your riffs sound horrible, like plunking on a toy keyboard. C’mon, guys. You’ve got all the power of this console, which is pumping out a plucky soundtrack, and you can’t synch that to something that sounds halfway cool? Gameplay fail. In a game visually and physically centered around music, playing riffs should be utterly gratifying, mirroring and amping up the audio already accompanying the game. It should rock! You should want to play riffs even when baddies aren’t on screen.
  • The controls suck. Tilting the guitar to jump is a funny idea at first, and it gets old after about the fifth jump. You can play the game with a regular controller, and you can probably reassign the jump function to a guitar button, but the mercury switch should not be the default.

Fret Nice is a Tecmo game for Playstation Network and Xbox Live Arcade.